American Pie
by Lokaia
Summary: Ignore the title, which means nothing. Purely stupid, insipid humor for no reason but to make you go, "WTF?"


Title:: American Pie  
  
Author:: Lokaia and SilvyrWing  
  
Summary:: This is what happens when Lokaia and Silvyrwing write an Animorphs fic over AIM! J/A SLASH!  
  
Rating::PG  
  
(A/N) Page breaks show who's writing. Starts with me (Lokaia).  
  
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One day Ax was walking through the forest.  
  
Because Ax usually walked through the forest, as that's where he lived.  
  
This is not a commonly known fact.  
  
And Jake didn't have any idea, so when he happened to chance upon Ax, he was quite surprised.  
  
Because, contrary to popular belief, Jake is not as great an observer as he is a leader.  
  
Ax said Hello.  
  
Jake said, "Ax, what are you doing here?"  
  
Ax said, I am knitting fallout shelters.  
  
Jake said, "I did not know you were able to knit, Ax."  
  
I did not know this, either, Prince Jake, Ax responded.  
  
"That is amazing, Ax. What else can you do?" Jake wondered.  
  
Suddenly, a bird flew off with Ax's fallout shelter.  
  
"Oh no, Ax!" Jake exclaimed. "I'll go get it!" and he sprinted off after the bird.  
  
And the bird was eight miles high and falling fast! And the fallout shelter landed foul on a footb all field.  
  
And Jake said, "Ax, have you ever played football?"  
  
Ax said, No, Prince Jake. I think you should teach me.  
  
"Good idea, Ax," Jake agreed. "Well, first you need a ball."  
  
Ax pondered this for a minute. What kind of ball?  
  
"Like this," Jake said, gesturing.  
  
He pointed at a football that just happened to be sitting on the grass.  
  
"That is a very strange shape, Prince Jake," Ax told him, picking it up.  
  
Somewhere along the line, Ax had morphed human, as he was now speaking through his mouth.  
  
This was a good thing for him to do considering he and Jake had been standing in the middle of a football field for over twenty minutes.  
  
Which meant he'd been talking very slowly all that time.  
  
Because it is not only Ax who has a speech impediment.  
  
Then suddenly there was a person in the stands, watching them.  
  
"Prince Jake, who is that?" Ax wondered.  
  
Jake responded, "That is the President of the United States!"  
  
"What does he do, Prince Jake?" ...Ax asked.  
  
Jake pondered this for a long time before answering, "I don't know..." And then Dubya got up and left.  
  
Ax waved goodbye!  
  
And Jake was like, "Okay, back to football."  
  
Ax as like, "Oh yes, football. How do you play the game?"  
  
"You take this ball and run," Jake said.  
  
"Okay!" Ax replied, taking the ball and running away from the football field.  
  
"SHIT!" Jake yelled, pointing to the ground in front of Ax!  
  
Ax stopped, turning around and staring at Jake. "Right here, Prince Jake?"  
  
Jake waved his arms frantically!  
  
Ax wondered if Jake was attempting to communicate.  
  
"No!" Jake yelled.  
  
"No?" Ax replied, utterly confused.  
  
Jake pointed to the grass again. "Look!"  
  
Ax looked.  
  
He saw a largeish pile of dog poo.  
  
"Oh no!" Ax cried. He checked his shoes to make sure he hadn't stepped in it, and realized he wasn't wearing shoes.  
  
In fact, he wasn't wearing anything at all!  
  
"That must be why I am cold," he informed Jake.  
  
Jake said, "I barely even noticed... But we should get back to the forest before Dubya comes back."  
  
Ax nodded and they began walking back together. After a moment, Ax turned to Jake and said, "You didn't notice?"  
  
Jake simply shrugged.  
  
"Rachel once told me you would not notice if Cassie stood naked in a field," Ax commented. "I think I understand now."  
  
Jake felt the need to ask the question, "What did you do with your morphing suit?"  
  
Ax pondered that for a moment. "I am not sure, Prince Jake. I was sure I was wearing it when I demorphed last time."  
  
Jake blinked. "You ABSORBED your clothing."  
  
"That must have been why I was not hungry for the rest of that day," Ax reflected thoughtfully.  
  
"...Lets go back to your place and see if we can get you something to wear," Jake said.  
  
"That is an excellent idea, Prince Jake, except that I do not own clothing," Ax reminded him.  
  
"Oh," Jake responded, somewhat disappointed. He brightened, however, saying, "I'm sure we'll find something."  
  
"I do not know," Ax said. "I do not think my TV or VCR will properly shield this human body."  
  
Jake smiled, whispering, "I think I know something that will."   
  
"Something that will properly shield, Prince Jake? What is that?"  
  
"You said it, Ax..." Jake smiled, walking on ahead of the Andalite.  
  
Ax stared after Jake, awfully confused. "Something I said? What did I say? Prince Jake?"  
  
THE END  
  
(A/N) Do you hate the both of us? Oh well. I promise to put something good up for this fandom. 


End file.
